The Birth of a Nation
by Chuck White

The year was 1982. America was in the midst of an economical and spiritual reawakening under the guidance of President Ronald Reagan. The political atmosphere throughout this great country was, for the most part, one of contentment.

Then one fine April morning, the good citizens of the city of Key West (an island measuring not much greater than 2 miles and 4 miles long) found themselves at the center of a brewing controversy - a controversy with far-reaching implications and ramifications. Overnight the United States federal government had magically moved this country’s border southernmost U.S. border some 100 miles north, to the heart of the upper Florida key of Homestead. This strategic maneuver would in theory help stem the flow of America’s flourishing illegal alien and drug trade. The feds had literally put a tourniquet on the only passage entering and exiting the Florida Keys.

News spread quickly across the Coconut Telegraph. Tourist, local and commercial traffic was stopped and greeted by customs inspectors and federal agents in the middle of nowhere. Both northbound and southbound traffic became gnarled and the ripple effect made an impact on the Keys’ fragile tourism-driven economy. When trucks carrying beer began missing scheduled deliveries on Duval Street in mid-April, enough was enough.

Being that Key West is such a small, tightly knit community, it didn’t take long for the island’s inner sanctum to band together and plan a retaliatory attack. Mayor Dennis Wardlow made his way to the Federal courthouse in Miami and filed motions that questioned the legality of the displaced border and demanded that it be removed immediately. As he left the courtroom, a reporter approached him and asked what his options might be if the legal processes failed him. He sarcastically responded, “We’ll have to secede. If we are to be treated as a Third World country then it would be okay to begin acting like one.” By the time the mayor and his legal team returned to Key West, the story had already hit the major national newswires.

What happened next was one of guerilla theatre’s greatest moments in U.S. history. Wardlow felt that the tides were beginning to turn his favor. The new border stops had yielded zero illegal aliens and it was rumored that half a joint was found in the ashtray of a couple of off duty Miami cops. The Feds were looking overjealous, silly and vulnerable. Some of Key West’s most notable and colorful characters decided it was time to make a mockery of the whole situation. Key West declared war on the United States as the sovereign nation of “The Conch Republic,” sent a schooner into the Atlantic with a crew armed with only stale Cuban bread, filed for one billion dollars in foreign aid and then promptly surrendered.

Satellite trucks from major television networks and cable stations began arriving in Mallory Square to cover the story. Come evening, the day’s events were the fodder for Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” monologue and a lead on cable giant CNN’s “Headline News.” It was the beginning of the end. Needless to say, the border stop was quickly dismantled and Key West slipped back into some form of normalcy.

Despite the fact that Key West was gifted a quick and favorable resolution in its’ challenge of the legality of the government’s misguided actions, there was still much work left to be done. Wardlow was now straddled with the responsibility of creating an infrastructure for this newly formed government and he began the arduous task of designating his political appointees. Wardlow unabashedly waltzed into the role Conch Republic’s First Prime Minister (and honor and title assumed and held still today by all serving Mayors.)

And best yet, Wardlow transcended a stereotype that defines most politicians. In the very moment that most glory seekign power mongers would seize as an opportunity and spotlight for political gain, (Don’t forget, the national press was glued to this story). Wardlow instead stepped aside and turned toward the very pranksters and merrymakers who, behind the scenes, helped hatch the secession plot in the first place.

Treasure hunter Mel Fisher would be ceremoniously dubbed King Emerius. (It would be three years later when he finally found out the Atocha mother lode and twelve years later after he found the first cannons.) Willamina “Wild Willie” Harvey found herself with the honor of serving as Head of Armed Forces. She was in all reality the quintessential matriarchal figure of not only Key West but also the State of Florida. She was the widow of five term Key West Mayor CB Harvey and held the lay to the claim as one of the first women to vote in the State of Florida. She was as well the first woman to hold office in the Sunshine State. She took her appointment with unbridled enthusiasm and left this community in the indelible image of her flower-laden headdress and a sword by her side. Upon her death in 2005, a funeral procession wound its way thru Old Town with her hat and sword atop a horse as they made their way to the Key West Coast Guard Station. Although the Coast Guard was symbolically associated with the government as an adversary in the initial confrontation with Uncle Sam, Willie’s spunk and sincerity help forge a mutual respect between Conchs and their military neighbors that today make the foundation of the Conch Republic’s Independence Day celebration.

There are so many others who were an integral part of the birth of the Conch Republic but that is a book into itself. RIP General Geoff Chapman. God Bless Captain Frank, Reef Perkins and Admiral Finbar.

By 1990, the momentous uproar that gave birth to the Conch Nation had slowly but surely become a distant whisper. Time had somehow pushed its relevance toward the brink of extinction. But has fate has it, Peter Anderson landed on the rock. Even though he landed here over a few years after the debacle, his fascination with the story inspired him to become keeper of the flame and has been ranked Secretary General of the Conch Republic.

As an annual event, each year is given a theme; Past themes included (and I’m sure you’ve seen some of the shirts!): “Growing Old Disgracefully”, “I’m Inconchnito”, “May the Farce Be With You”, “2001: A Spaced Oddity”, and “Camp Big Kid”.